Opera, Assistants, and, er, Science Facts?
by Blinded Chubi
Summary: A bored Grimmjow overhears some strange happenings in Szayelapporo's laboratory, as well as other things like the eighth Espada's very literal lust for science. SzayelxOC Lemon Oneshot. Somewhat Crack, I suppose.


It was a lazy afternoon as Grimmjow stalked the halls of Hueco Mundo, bored to death and with nobody to fight. "What the hell am I supposed to do around here other than fight and train?" he muttered to himself, giving the ground a small kick while he walked. The Espada paused and gave a small, spiteful glare towards his severed arm, which was just beginning to scab over. "Not like I can really do anything with one of my fucking stumps of an arm," he snapped. "Damn Tosen…"

As he walked in a futile attempt to find some entertainment, Grimmjow suddenly stopped in his tracks as he began to faintly hear music drifting down the hall. "The hell?" Slowly, he began to follow the sound until he recognized what was being played. "It's that human opera crap," the Sexta said distastefully to himself. "Must be Szayel again; he listens to it all the time when he's making shit. What's he doin', anyway?" Grimmjow thought for a moment. "Hey," he murmured. "He was talkin' with Aizen about makin' some Arrancar for a lab assistant, wasn't he?" He smirked, amusedly. "How could I forget that ass?" After a few seconds of mental picture ogling, Grimmjow went back to his other thoughts. "He wanted her to be superstrong and smart and shit…Didn't he say he was trying to build her arms and legs or somethin'"

A few seconds later, an idea came over him while the music swelled. "If I made him, he could probably find a way to fix my arm!" he said, looking around as if the eighth Espada was around. "Perfect; I could get back to killing Tosen and that Soul Reaper Kurosaki in no time!"

Quickly, he used Sonido to teleport through the halls of the palace as the music got louder. In a few minutes, the music was almost deafening; every trilled note of the singer rang in Grimmjow's ears.

"**Mild und leise, wie er lächelt,** **wie das Auge, hold er öffnet…"**

"What the hell?" he growled, putting his hands over his ears. "What's he gotta play that so damn loud for?" Finally, he stopped in front of the main entrance to Szayelapporo's laboratory, where the music was literally making the walls vibrate. He pounded on the door with his good arm. "Hey, Szayel, open up!" he yelled.

Nobody came to answer the door; not Szayel, his new assistant, or any of his Fracciones. The music swelled to a near ear-shattering level, and Grimmjow heard faint voices near the door. He knocked again, this time. "Szayel, get yer ass over here!" he roared, making his voice louder. No answer.

Grimmjow heard voices again, and even a few things clattering onto the floor. Curious, he leaned one ear against the door to listen in closer. Once he was able to somewhat block the opera music from his mind, he was able to hear Szayel and his new assistant nearby in between the opera.

"**Wie den Lippen, wonnig mild, süßer Atem, sanft entweht…"**

"H-Haah, M-Master Szayelapporo…" Grimmjow recognized the voice as the monotone but now moaning voice of Szayel's new assistant.

"Your muscle movements are perfect, Iris-Mark I; your aerodynamics are sublime!"

"Th-thank you, Master Szayelapporo. Please, go faster."

As Grimmjow heard more clattering, he smirked in amusement. "No fucking way," he snickered. "The little brainiac's getting _laid!_" He strained to listen, still smirking.

"I'll only go faster once you answer my questions, Iris-Mark I," Szayel replied. "You know how it…stimulates me." Grimmjow could clearly envision Szayel's smirk.

"Yes, M-Master Szayelapporo."

Grimmjow leaned against the door, bemused. "Huh, what questions?" he muttered. "What exactly does Szayel get off for, anyway?" He heard Szayel's voice again and strained to listen over the music. "This'll be freakin' rich!"

"Ungh…Name the music and composer of the currently playing piece."

" 'Liebestod' of 'Tristan and Isolde'," Iris's humanoid-yet-robotic voice replied immediately. "Composed by Wilhem Richard Wagner."

"Excellent; I'm almost there!" A slight bumping increased in speed, and Grimmjow faintly heard Iris cry out before Szayelapporo asked another question, his voice intensely husky. "What percentage of human autistics are left h-handed?"

Iris whimpered. "6-65%, Master Szayelapporo…Oh, God…" Grimmjow heard them go faster, until Szayel yelled again.

"What is the proper name of the oldest known skeleton found in the human world?!" he thundered.

Grimmjow could tell the Iris had come the moment she answered. "**AUSTRALOPITHECUS AFARENSIS!**"

After a while, only the opera played, and Grimmjow thought for a moment before deciding to head back to his own room. "Ah, screw the arm," he said to himself, laughing. "Can't let a guy work after just screwing his woman." For a moment, he stopped, turned back to face the lab door, and chuckled before heading back to his room. "But wow…Talk about 'Once a nerd, always a nerd'!"

**A/N:**

**Well, I had this weird idea of what Szayel would actually be aroused by. You know, other than Uryu. :3**

**Anyway, this oneshot was just stuck in my head, and I couldn't concentrate until I finished writing it. I know it's short and it is technically my first lemon, so critique how you like so I can improve. **

**By the way, the facts are actually true, and the song played in the halls is "Liebestod" by Richard Wagner, during the opera "Tristan and Isolde". I hope this oneshot lemon here was palatable for you. And if not, then at least I can actually think about something other than this idea trapped in my head!**

**Regards, **

**Everyonesfangirl13579**


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